First thing, I got a doctor's appointment coming up dealing with my meds, gues who wants to get off of them and start working on trying to get into ROTC. It's now or never from here on. Next, let's hope my good friend Chris can get me that job. If so, half of what I earn is going into the bank towards getting an appartment and anything else that I need. Then the plan is, if someone would like to or would do it without caring what her parents say is to have someone move into the appartment with me and you know who you are.

Everyone is going to have to deal with the fact that I'm not going to be on my meds. I'm also going to have to find another way to deal with my horrible eating habits when I'm not on the meds. This is my first major decision in life aside from college. This is my afterschool activity so to speak. Help me with it, keep me on track.

Next thing I also want is to make the relationship we have Rayna....to be more of a relationship than just a friendship. I don't know if I've told you this but...I'm on the computer all the time because it's the one place that we can talk without having to talk outloud where people can overhear us. I'm sorry that you get bored, but more than half the time,I am already bored on the computer. You're 18, you're in college, you can do w/e the fuck you want on your laptop. You're an adult, be one, don't be afraid. This is my complaining as far as it goes.... Also, truthfully, it's not rude if you're on the cellphone when you're with friends. It's rude if you forget about your friends while you're on the cellphone.
Honestly...you would've made my day had you called me before I called you twice to see how I was doing. But instead you didn't call me at all after I called and we barely talked....there goes a day of time on my cellphone...
I miss talking about the future...at least the us part, doesn't have to be the other part that upsets you so much. It gives me something to look forward to rather than....yeah nothing really.... hard to look forward to seeing you when it's hard enough to get you to come over unless of course it involves money. Don't know why that's has to be involved now all the time. One thing if it's us going out somewhere, it's another thing if it needs to be involved just to see you.

There's so much more I can say but...not really needing to be said right now. This is what is on my mind, saying this will help me sleep. It's now my mom's B-day, I have a goal that I want to reach, and I'm hoping that I can help better meself and my current situation. That's pretty much it. Now I go to bed.